Hello? Remember Me?

As long as I live, I will never forget that voice on the phone. Kind, warm, tender, and it came out of the blue on a beautiful spring evening several years ago.

No, I did not remember him. He was in upper management, the CFO and I was much lower on the ladder. He remembered me. Said he had lunch with a few of the former folks and they told him I was now divorced and back in the area. He asked for my number but ended up finding me through Google. Ah, the wonder of the internet.

We talked at length for over an hour, it was so good to catch up. Afterward, I called my former boss who is still a good friend. She barely remembered him..........said she didn't know much about him but go and have a good time, what do you have to lose?

I agreed.

We talked several times over the next week... he said we could continue chatting for as long as I wanted before we met, he wanted me to be comfortable.

I pushed the issue, which was so unlike me but I had come to realize that if you don't explore the chemistry soon you have invested a lot of time and energy into building a relationship that will never sizzle.

He picked the restaurant. It was one of my favorites and I knew the bartender there, he is the brother of a friend.

I arrived first, nervous. He told me that he was tall with gray hair (who doesn't have gray hair at this stage of life - men that is, I'll be brunette in the grave!) He also told me he walked with a limp, old football injury. I had no problem with that.

The bartender brought me a glass of water and we chatted about the kind-of blind date about to happen. He asked me what he looked like, I gave him the above description.

As he was wiping down the tables around me he looked out the window then at me. " Limp. Did you say he walks with a limp?"

"Yes, that is what he said, an old football injury."

"Hmmmm, football injury? Was he a pro?"

"No, just high school but apparently he was quite the athlete."

"I don't think that is the case anymore." he said as he continued to look out the window and then back at me. "My gut feeling is this is not going to work."

"Don't be ridiculous, he can't help that he limps."

He was now starring out the window. "Are you SURE he didn't say he would be DRAGGING his leg?"

"Oh, dear God, do you see him?"

"I think so... if it's him, it took him forever to get out of his car and he is barely moving, dragging his leg, no limp, DRAGGING it."

I hurried to the window to have a look for myself, that guy can be quite the practical joker when he wants to be.

He placed his hands on each side of my face and turned my head to I did not have to search for him. Sigh. I saw a tall, gray haired man who was taking a step and dragging his leg over and over. I am way too active for that in my life.

I moved to the first table inside the door so he would be able to sit immediately after all that effort and I did not want to embarrass him.

He opened the door and smiled at me.... said I was just as he remembered me.

(Sigh. What do you say to that? If he had that "limp" back then I would have remembered him.)

He no sooner sat down and my bartender buddy shows up to say he was buying each of us a drink with his best wishes that this might be the first day of the rest of our lives together. I could have clobbered him!

As we were having dinner, my date started sweating profusely. I asked him he was OK. He said yes, he was just warm, then started to ask me about my spiritual beliefs and if I believed in divine intervention. I knew where this was headed and I wanted to change the course of the conversation.

As I looked at him, he was sweating even more rapidly. I asked him if he was sure he was OK, or did I need to get someone to help him. He said no, he was fine and asked if I was still a nurse.

"No, I no longer work in that field, still have the knowledge but no, no longer doing direct care."

He smiled and me and grabbed my hand mumbling something about the wonderful traits of women who go into nursing.

He hand was cold and clammy. I knew something was wrong with him.

"Do you think you might be having something going on with your heart? Any family history? Should we be getting you checked out?"

He squeezed my hand harder and said no, he was fine... no heart issues............."But" he continued, "I do need to tell you that I have a list of the medicines I'm on in my pants pocket if something happens to me. I think the wine did not mix well with my pain medicine."

"Ahhh, do you take that for the pain in your leg?"

"Sometimes. I got it a few weeks ago after my surgery and still feel the need to keep taking it, I probably should not have had a glass of wine."

"A few weeks ago? I did not know you had surgery a few weeks ago, we've been chatting for two weeks."

"Yes, I called you my first day I was home from my "corrective surgery", I thought of you several times while I was in the hospital, wondered if you would walk in and be my nurse, silly isn't it?"

"No, sweet actually... and a little scary to think you'd want a rusty old nurse caring for you. What kind of corrective surgery did you have?"

"A leaking aortic aneurysm."

WHOA! That is a big surgery, not one to be taken lightly and I'd never expect him to be dating 3 weeks later!

"Oh my, and you're already out and about and dating, you should probably still be home recovering, at least I'd think it would take a while to bounce back."

"Well, perhaps you are right. I have no doubt you are right but I wanted to see you, connect with you and see if we might have a future together. What are your thoughts?"

I could feel myself getting uncomfortable and I had not one twinge of chemistry going on - I was more in nurse mode wondering what I should do for him, assessing him.

Before I could say anything he was listing the material goods his very successful career had provided, telling me I would not want for anything..........etc. A gold digger would have loved him and felt she hit the jackpot. I am the woman who will wait for the right one, who wants all the bells and whistles to go off............and will not settle for less.

He stopped, looked at me and said, "I am not on your A list, am I? I knew it was a long shot but I also thought it was worth the risk of looking foolish. I need to tell you that I have a lot more surgery ahead and thought a wife who was a nurse would be perfect for me but perhaps not perfect for you, now that you no longer are taking care of people directly."

What was he thinking? He'd marry home health care instead of hiring it?

"You are correct, you're a nice, nice man, but I need the chemistry thing, I hope you understand."

"I do. I do. My daughter told me no one is looking for a man who is a project. I have to have bypass surgery but they could not do that until my aneurysm was done and healed. I also have developed diabetes and just can't seem to get that under control, probably should have skipped the wine AND the bread?"

"Oh yes, you sure should have."

He continued, " I also have to have my carotids cleaned out, but not right away... and my limp is not from football, I need a total knee and a total hip done."

I was exhausted just listening to his health issues.

"You know what else? I also have something wrong with my eyes, losing my eye sight. ... someday I may not be able to read a thing, so it would have been the answer to my prayers if you felt an instant attraction to me and things worked out."

OMG - another bullet dodged. My heart ached for him. We continued eating dinner much like old friends........he asked me if we could chat from time to time, I told him I'd like that - and meant it.

As we were leaving, he hugged me and asked if he could ask me something personal at the risk of offending me. I told him to ask away.

"Do you have any nurse friends who might want to get married? Could I get their names and phone numbers?"

Just like that he crossed me off his list - I'm guessing he forgot my name before he was out of the parking lot as he was wondering who else might be a former nurse, single........over 50...

Men! At least not all of them want us for our bodies...........some want us for our brains and skill sets...... no matter how rusty they may be.

The General

The General was one of my very first dates after my divorce and one I reluctantly agreed to - it was a blind date.

A male friend of mine said he knew the perfect guy for me if I was willing to date someone a little older. He told me that he would be a perfect gentleman and entertaining - that he was. What he neglected to tell me were more details about him. He said he had no idea how old he was, perhaps 58 ( I was just 50) and that he had been assigned to the White House at one point in his career and I'd be hard-pressed to find someone nicer than him.

I asked him how tall he was.

"Tall, real tall, at least that is how I remember him, I haven't seen him in several years but he's in town tonight and I can't get away to have dinner with him."

I agreed to go.

We met at a lovely Italian restaurant. As I was walking in, I ran into a few friends who wanted to know what I was doing there and asked if I wanted to join them.

As soon as we walked into the foyer of the restaurant, this very distinguished older gentleman called my name, said I looked just like my photo, the one he saw.

My friend winked at me and said she'd call me tomorrow, she had lots of questions.

It was obvious that my date was older than 58 but I am a gracious woman so I settled in to have dinner and learn more about him as a person, a potential friend.

He began telling me about his distinguished career and kept mentioning that he was just "8 or 9 years my senior". Ahem. He told me about being assigned to the White House, what an exciting time that was and how he was there when President Johnson was sworn in! I almost choked on my linguine!

I must have looked like the deer in headlights. " I was 8 years old when he was sworn in... eight!"

He assured me again that he was just "8 or 9 years" my senior. I excused myself and went to the rest room. I called my dad.

Whispering I said, "Dad, I need you to get online and look up my date, see how old he is!"

As he was walking to his computer he asked me how old I thought he was. "Your age, maybe younger." My dad was 75.

"Ok, I found him, there's only one with that name in the area, how old did you guess him to be?"

"70"

"No, he's not 70"

"He sure looks 70, are you sure you got the right person?"

"Oh yeah, I'm sure, guess again."

"69?"

"No, you're going the wrong direction."

"ACK!!! 72?"

"No"

"73?"

"No, keep going, and not year by year either."

"What does that mean? Not year by year?"

"It means you have a lot of years, skip over some"

"OMG! How old is he?"

"Keep guessing!"

"75?"

"Keep going."

"OMG, he's OLDER than my father?"

"Ohhhhhhhhhhhh yeah.... "

"77?"

"No."

"Holy @*$%#! Are you kidding me? This is not funny!"

"Not kidding, guess again!"

"78?"

"No.... he's 80!"

"OMG 80! 80! 80! Thirty years older than me!"

"Yes, and it's a good thing you had your date tonight, in two days he will be 81."

I felt weak in the knees......... I hung up as I heard him laughing, telling me to have a good time.

I returned to the table, drank a large glass of wine..........as my date was telling me of things we could do together.

I had to stop him and tell him that we were just not a match, that whole thing about me being 8 when Johnson was sworn in... well, the math did not add up. He patted my hand telling me that age is just a number and did I realize that I had gorgeous green eyes?

I picked up my purse and said I really needed to leave, had a nice conversation, good food and wine but I was sure we were not a match.

He held my coat for me to slip it on........telling me how much he liked my perfume........still flirting with me and asked if we could go somewhere for coffee.

"No thank you, I appreciate it but no."

As he walked me to my car he said he felt a little foolish, knowing he was trying to pass himself off as under 60 when his "hair was probably too white and would be a dead give-away".

Sigh. Deep breathe, the evening is almost over. He grabbed my hand to keep me safe, walking me to my car, telling me he had a lot of free time now that he was retired and would do anything with me and wanted me to promise him we'd have dinner again.

"I can't" I told him gently, not wanting to hurt him.

He hugged me and said he didn't think I was the type of woman who would date a married man like him but he thought it was worth a shot!

Married! I about fell over.........pushing 81 and still a player!

A good friend of mine, about my age, still tells me....when he grows up he wants to be The General........to have that confidence at 80 that he thinks he can still have dinner with a woman considerably younger and possibly a fling!

How Tall Are You? Ahem!

This dating nightmare involved a man who said he was 6'4" - who asked me to wear heels! ( I know, I know, should have been a huge red flag). I mentioned that I rarely wore heels to work because I do a lot of walking but he really felt he would be more comfortable with a woman who was closer to his height.

I arrived at the restaurant before him and shortly afterward received a call that he was stuck in traffic. No problem. A saw the mother of a friend sitting at the bar, waiting to meet her first time date, from Senior Singles or something like that.

I remember thinking, "Thankfully, I am not THAT old yet and can still do regular dating sites!" I was anxious to see how well this eHarmony date would go.

I joined my friend's mother for a glass of wine while he continued to call me every 10 minutes or so to update me on the traffic situation and the torrential thunderstorm.

Finally, he calls to say that he is in the parking lot and will be walking in the door within 30 seconds. The door opens as my friend's mother and I strain to see him. The person entering was wearing an overcoat and one of those fisherman hats like the guy on MASH wore, rain still running off his hat. and considerably shorter so that was not him. We both let out a sigh of relief when this short man smiles at me and says, with his arms outstretched, much like George on Seinfeld would do...

" SURPRISE!" he shouts as the rain continued to roll off his hat and onto the lense of his out of date eyewear.

I kid you not, he was MAYBE 4'6" !!!!!

"SURPRISE!!!! SURPRISE?!! I don't know whether to kick you or pick you up - you told me you were 6'4" - you asked me to wear heels!"

"Yeah well..... sorry" he said as he started mumbling something about being dyslexic, " I might be the shortest man in the room I can be with the tallest woman!"

I agreed to have dinner and allow him to explain.

Over our salad he explained that he grew up wealthy, very wealthy.... "we had hired help, I never bothered to learn their names, they were just grunt workers to me".

I tried to explain to him that his attitude was so very wrong...........it was going nowhere.

He told me he had one daughter that he had not seen in years.... said when she was 15 months old he was feeding her breakfast and she was not cooperating, blowing food at him, and he knew then he "was done, done for life". I was shocked to hear that come out of his mouth.

He continued on to say that he walked out the door that morning, 34+ years ago and has not seen her since or attempted to see her, but he did the "loving dad thing and provided for her through a trust".

With tears in my eyes, I asked him HOW he could possibly feel that way.........he said, "Calm down, it's not like I'm a horrible human being, I'd never desert a dog or anything like that!"

Date over............ I stood up, tossed my napkin in his lap as the couple at the next table clapped and cheered.

Hopefully, he was one of a kind but I fear there are more like him out there.

Strike one for eHarmony!

Welcome

The purpose of this blog is two fold - 1) If I ever do find Mr Wonderful, I want to remember the journey to find him ........often bumpy, sometimes funny, sometimes sad........... dating is difficult at any age, but especially over the age of 50 when we must blend lives, careers, families, traditions, friends, etc.

I call this 1,000 Bad Dates but the reality is - they have not all been bad and I've made some great friends along the way.

I am in the process of writing a book............so tell me about your "bad dates"............they can't be worse than mine.....

And then there was the guy who said he lived on a golf course...........it ran all around his property.... it turned out to be 9 juice cans buried in his lawn.... with dowel sticks stuck in them and his old, t-shirts with holes in them tied to the end for a flag. I should probably add he told me he was 56 and active, young for his age. He pulled up driving a car with the handicap sticker swaying..... and MUCH older than 56.

And then there was "The General "................... more on him later.

Come on... share your story....................